Today

Today I'm happy. There's no easier way to describe it. My thoughts are more collected, I can think of things to come, and memories to be made. I smile more today, I laugh to myself at times, it's a good day.

To say the last few weeks have been a bit rough is sort of an understatement, but I've mentioned before that, "that's life". The things that are worth fighting for are the things I want in life. Now I have one of those things. Sometimes you go through life wishing you had something, just one thing and when you finally have it you gain something else. Fear. A fear of losing the one thing you've wanted for so long. Today that fear is gone. Today I'm happy.

One of the great things about getting something you've tried so hard for is the feeling that you can accomplish a lot in life. Not only am I happy, I am now optomistic, even more so than before. I've never been one to doubt myself much, but this makes me even more confident in the possiblities of the future. The feeling you can do anything is a great feeling, even if it is an arrogant feeling. We all have to put ourselves above other things every once in a while, only then can we see far ahead. Only when we can put other things aside can we see our futures and goals clearly.

Then there's the feeling of doing all of this and not being alone. You can do a lot alone, you should do a lot alone. But when you've accomplished many things in your life alone, it feels good to be able to share your accomplishments with someone.

It's easy to get ahead of oneself when you're happy. But that feels good also. Dreams are versions of a reality that can be. Why not make them so?

Today I'm happy. Thank you.

Man I should have been at school almost 4 hours ago. This is what happens when you've only had about 2 hours of sleep in the last day and then you decide to get drunk off your ass at about 1 in the morning. I have no idea what time I stopped drinking last night, er I should say this morning. I drove home later this morning but I doubt that was a good idea, seeing as I can't remember much of that either.

The point of this post is that blogs are the devil, but the devils hand feels warm when everything else seems so cold at times. I write shit on here sometimes that I know I probably shouldn't. As I'm writing I think "what the fuck are you doing man?", "why are you writing this shit down so all can read". But the thing is that this blog has become a sort of pressure release valve for me. I get to the point where I could probably explode and I find that there's no one around to talk to at the moment. That and if you know me, you probably know I like to keep shit like this to myself. I dislike "sharing" my "feelings". So seeing as there's no one around and even if there was I'd probably not say anything, I'm glad I can write shit down. I can't think of a name for this post, it could be a million different things flying through my mind right now, I'll leave it blank. The beginning of the end is something I don't want to start right now, but the sooner this trip is over the better. Justin if you read this. . . . alcohol is the devil too!!!

Man I wish I was still drunk. Good times. Here's a toast to friends and the reasons we drink!!! (whatever those reasons may be)

A Ride

Today I took a hundred mile ride to nowhere and back. It was great. This solitude I love. I love it because I choose it. As I ride I think, I enjoy, I see. It's amazing. I will always own a motorcycle. I saw the sky change from a bright blue, to a golden yellow, to a purple, and finally a dark blue, it made me happy. Life still goes on. Whatever happens, happens.

This helped too.

Cigars, Music & Stars

Cigars, Music & Stars.

Sometimes I love being alone..... Sometimes. I sit smoke a cigar listen to music and watch the stars in the sky.

When my good friend was in Iraq I would sit and smoke a cigar listening to music and I'd look up at the stars. I'd think that even though I haven't heard from him in while if at any point he was looking up at night he'd see the same thing. It was not so good times. It's good to say he's back, safe, and now he has a new baby girl, Noemi. If you could choose your family he would be it.

Today I sat smoked a cigar listened to music and looked up. I saw the same stars but tonight I hoped others saw them. Things happen in life that turn everything sideways. You try to straighten out and when you think you're set, you realize it's still sideways.

Trying to write what you feel is easier said than done when your mind is in a million different places. But writing does help get some of the crap out. It clears it up a bit. Unfortunately you don't feel everything with your mind. In that case what do you do? I can't write that, I don't know how to think it.

This did help.