The Choices We Make

I think I might have lost someone who at one point in my life was the most important person to me. Forever.

Today I made a choice. Everyone makes choices in life. Sometimes the choices people make seem so simple to someone looking in from the outside. The choices seem obvious and maybe even necessary, to someone looking in from the outside. When your inside though, those choices are some of the hardest you'll ever have to make.

Today I made a choice. I chose to stop. Stop what though? I don't know. It made me happy, it gave me hope. Why should I have to stop something that makes me happy? Why do I have to stop something that feels right and good? Why?

I think I know why I made the choice. I know why I made my choice. This pain and emptiness that I feel, I have never felt before. I wish it on no one, really. This pain and emptiness is something I have to surpass. I can't surpass it if I don't face it. I have to face it and that is my choice. If I didn't make this choice I would most likely have to suffer this same fate again, and I don't wish it on anyone.

My choice came at a great loss though. I fear I have lost the one person I loved with all of my heart. Though some would say the loss had already occurred and it was I that was afraid to except it. Today I am beginning to except it. With all of the pain inside me, I am beginning to except it. I can truly say that I am sorry for my choice, my decision. It was one I never wanted to make.

The choices we make aren't the easiest by far, but they are our choices to make. No one else's.

I hate my choice. With all of my heart I hate my choice.