Let Me Try

Let me try and be optimistic and hopeful of the future. Ummmm, yeah I don't know how to begin. All I can say is I have great friends. They keep me up and breathing at times when I don't think I can by myself. Times are tuff buddy, but what am I gonna do? When you give all of yourself and it's not enough then there's nothing you can do. It wasn't meant to be I guess. I'm ranting now. It's funny I'm supposed to be "optimistic", I think this is the complete opposite. Okay here goes again, optimistic...... everything has been soo blurry lately, but I think that every day I get more and more moments of clarity. I can focus a little more each day. There are still bad days. Yesterday was one of them. But even on the bad days I have moments when I laugh and moments when I think I'll be alright. There, that was it. That was the optimism. There will be more. Hey I said I was going to try I didn't say this was going to be a revelation or a layout of all the good things to come.

I know the feeling of "loneliness" now, having someone there and feeling completely alone. Someone once said, "that feeling you have, then out of nowhere". That sums up a lot. It meant enough for me to cry.