It's just past one in the morning on Wednesday. All of my friends are asleep. At least I think they are, I'm not about to start calling around and check. It's just past one in the morning and I'm bored out of my freakin' mind!!! What the fuck!?!?
Why do people get tired? Why does shit close? Maybe there should be a pill that would allow us to stay awake for a long ass time. Wait, I think there is such a substance, unfortunately possession of it can get you in some trouble if caught with it. But even then, say you can stay awake for a long ass time if not forever, what the fuck are you going to do with all of your time awake???? I mean shit closes. Where do you go @ 1 in the morning on a Wednesday? Even if I was someone who always wanted to go clubbing wouldn't most people be dead tired at this time? I guess the only club that I ever went to that didn't have dead tired people at 3 in the morning was Club Rain in Vegas. It seemed like the later it got there the more people woke up. That place is pretty cool.
So yeah I'm just rambling now. I've been up just over 20 hours now and I guess it's the lack of sleep and too much caffeine in my body that's making me a little delirious. I'm sure the second I hit the sack I'm knocking out. Oh well. If only there was someone to hang out with at 1 in the morning on a Wednesday. If you're out there and have nothing else to do, hit me up G!!! We can kick it. Ya heard? Right.
Good night, er Good Morning, whatever the case may be in your current situation or state of mind.
Later.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Tell Me How You Really Feel
Lately I've been meaning to write things. I've felt the urge to write something, the problem is I can't seem to be able to write like I used to. Before I had no issue sitting down and writing anything and everything. All my goings on, the daily events, some random occurrence during the day that I could stretch into a whole story. Not lately though. I find it very hard to write about much of anything. I've been kind of wondering why. I think I know though.
Every day I still think about her. I'm doing a million times better than a couple of months ago, but that doesn't mean I don't think about her. There hasn't been a day that has passed that has gone by without a moment of sadness for me. I can go about my normal self for the most part, but something always reminds me of her. Always. They're always good thoughts and it makes me sad. The most beautiful memories I have are of her smile, they show up as pictures in my head, and for the faintest moment I can almost hear her laugh. The greatest joy I had was making her smile and laugh, she had a great laugh and an amazing smile. For that moment I smile and I even laugh a little, and then I'm sad again. I miss her.
This whole thing still clouds my mind. I think that's why I can't write as much now. Every time I sit and think, she comes to my mind. Every time I sit and do write there are many things that are left unsaid. I filter out my thoughts constantly. I filter them in my conversations, I filter them in my writings, I filter them even for myself. I filter them for myself, because even though it's been almost 2 months now I can still feel my emotions trying to get the better of me and I don't like the feeling.
"Time heals all wounds" is a saying you hear a lot in these types of situations. "It will get better in time" is another. I almost believe it. Almost. I thought this would have been sufficient time. I was wrong. I still care about her. I don't know what to do about it. Someone once said "the saddest thing in the world is loving someone who used to love you", I don't know what to say. I don't know.
I had to write this because I had to write (period). I've always loved writing, and for the most part I always considered myself pretty good at it. I could write for days, I could stretch the most mundane subject into an epic story. I could do all of this when I was able to truly write what I felt. This is an example. I can continue writing about her for ever right now. It's what I feel. It's easy for me. I just wanted to write something uninhibited, something real again. This feels good. It's the truth.
Every day I still think about her. I'm doing a million times better than a couple of months ago, but that doesn't mean I don't think about her. There hasn't been a day that has passed that has gone by without a moment of sadness for me. I can go about my normal self for the most part, but something always reminds me of her. Always. They're always good thoughts and it makes me sad. The most beautiful memories I have are of her smile, they show up as pictures in my head, and for the faintest moment I can almost hear her laugh. The greatest joy I had was making her smile and laugh, she had a great laugh and an amazing smile. For that moment I smile and I even laugh a little, and then I'm sad again. I miss her.
This whole thing still clouds my mind. I think that's why I can't write as much now. Every time I sit and think, she comes to my mind. Every time I sit and do write there are many things that are left unsaid. I filter out my thoughts constantly. I filter them in my conversations, I filter them in my writings, I filter them even for myself. I filter them for myself, because even though it's been almost 2 months now I can still feel my emotions trying to get the better of me and I don't like the feeling.
"Time heals all wounds" is a saying you hear a lot in these types of situations. "It will get better in time" is another. I almost believe it. Almost. I thought this would have been sufficient time. I was wrong. I still care about her. I don't know what to do about it. Someone once said "the saddest thing in the world is loving someone who used to love you", I don't know what to say. I don't know.
I had to write this because I had to write (period). I've always loved writing, and for the most part I always considered myself pretty good at it. I could write for days, I could stretch the most mundane subject into an epic story. I could do all of this when I was able to truly write what I felt. This is an example. I can continue writing about her for ever right now. It's what I feel. It's easy for me. I just wanted to write something uninhibited, something real again. This feels good. It's the truth.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Remember Me
I'm not going anywhere. I would just like you to remember me. I guess it's unfair to ask anyone to remember you. I mean you have to have made some kind of impression in someones life for them to remember you. Otherwise you're just passing by. Hopefully I did more than just pass by in your lives. Hopefully you'll remember me.
The reason I'm writing this is because earlier today I was thinking of something. It wasn't a good memory. At that point I realized I tend to remember the bad things in life. I had this conversation about my memory with someone before. I told her that my memory was like a picture album, a bad unorganized picture album. One with pictures that have no reference to time or place. When I try to remember something all I can conjure up is a picture of something and if it really strikes a chord with my memory I can usually bring up another picture. And that's it. It's nothing like a movie where when someone remembers something there's a flash back and a "movie" plays. I don't have these "movies", not good ones at least. I just realized that. I have sort of "short films" of bad memories, and unorganized, undated "snapshots" of good memories. That sucks.
So today as I was recalling that bad memory I realized that I will only be a memory to most of you in the future. I hope that you don't have the same issues as I do with my memory. I hope that you can remember the good memories in your life and replay them like they were yesterday. I hope this, because I'd like to think that I'm a good memory in your lives.
Most of all I'm afraid I'll loose the good memories of these past few months as time passes. All I'll have is the bad ones. The bad ones that seem like they occurred just yesterday for me. I'm afraid that I'll forget, so I ask that you remember me. I suppose it's selfish, but I'd like that. If time passes and I haven't called or written I'm sorry. I'll still think of you, a picture will pop into my mind, but that will probably be all. I'll try to remember the good times. I'll try to keep in touch. I'll try. All I hope for is that you remember me.
The reason I'm writing this is because earlier today I was thinking of something. It wasn't a good memory. At that point I realized I tend to remember the bad things in life. I had this conversation about my memory with someone before. I told her that my memory was like a picture album, a bad unorganized picture album. One with pictures that have no reference to time or place. When I try to remember something all I can conjure up is a picture of something and if it really strikes a chord with my memory I can usually bring up another picture. And that's it. It's nothing like a movie where when someone remembers something there's a flash back and a "movie" plays. I don't have these "movies", not good ones at least. I just realized that. I have sort of "short films" of bad memories, and unorganized, undated "snapshots" of good memories. That sucks.
So today as I was recalling that bad memory I realized that I will only be a memory to most of you in the future. I hope that you don't have the same issues as I do with my memory. I hope that you can remember the good memories in your life and replay them like they were yesterday. I hope this, because I'd like to think that I'm a good memory in your lives.
Most of all I'm afraid I'll loose the good memories of these past few months as time passes. All I'll have is the bad ones. The bad ones that seem like they occurred just yesterday for me. I'm afraid that I'll forget, so I ask that you remember me. I suppose it's selfish, but I'd like that. If time passes and I haven't called or written I'm sorry. I'll still think of you, a picture will pop into my mind, but that will probably be all. I'll try to remember the good times. I'll try to keep in touch. I'll try. All I hope for is that you remember me.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
The Phantom
This past weekend I saw a great show. The Phantom of the Opera. Someone once mentioned to me that it was an amazing show. She was right. From the beginning I was completely engulfed by the set. One of the most amazing things of the set is the chandelier. It's completely broken apart and then it all comes together floating through the air above everyone and sets itself directly above the audience. That was amazing.
The whole show was great. The music was great. The actors had amazing voices. I'm glad I saw the show. It would have been nice to see it with someone in particular, but it was everything I was told it would be regardless. This past weekend was a great memory in general. If anyone gets the chance to be in Vegas any time soon I highly recommend the show. And yes Justine I did think of you at one point, with the singing and all. I even had a few drinks in your name buddy, seeing as you were feeling crappy when I left.
Let me tell you guys falling asleep at 7 in the morning for 3 days straight does a number on your sleeping patterns for a few days after, but man it's worth it.
The whole show was great. The music was great. The actors had amazing voices. I'm glad I saw the show. It would have been nice to see it with someone in particular, but it was everything I was told it would be regardless. This past weekend was a great memory in general. If anyone gets the chance to be in Vegas any time soon I highly recommend the show. And yes Justine I did think of you at one point, with the singing and all. I even had a few drinks in your name buddy, seeing as you were feeling crappy when I left.
Let me tell you guys falling asleep at 7 in the morning for 3 days straight does a number on your sleeping patterns for a few days after, but man it's worth it.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Smile!!!!
Today was a great day. I returned to school today. I know I've mentioned that I love working on cars, but man I really do love it. That and learning new shit really makes me happy! So today was a good day. I'm excited again about the future and that's always good! I've recently been hanging out with a great group of people so man all I can say is that if you see me smiling that's the reason why! Good times!!!! Talk about "closing a chapter in your life", I think this story will have a great ending. As a matter of fact I know it will!! I plan on starting a new chapter this weekend, we'll see how that goes. This is sort of a random post with no real point to it. I just wanted to express my joy right now. I'll miss my peeps at the big yellow joint, like my friend Justine likes to put it, but believe me I won't forget this time in my life. I love you guys!!!
Friday, September 01, 2006
The Greatest Cigar Ever
I've told this story a crap load of times but I thought I'd retell it one more time at least.
This story is about the greatest cigar I ever had. The reason I'm thinking about this again is because my buddy Marco and I found this cigar again at a cigar shop in Pasadena. Any ways, here goes.
I was in Vegas last year for my buddies bachelor party. Good times. We were well on our way to getting smashed and we went to one of our many stops that night, a strip club. Ah yes the good old strip clubs, very good times. We were drinking and having a good time, then I get up to use the facilities. Turns out there's some dude in there selling crap, like gum, cologne, cigars. I ask him how much the cigars where and he tells me. I was like damn that's a rip off, I can live without a cigar for the night. So I go back outside and sit with my buddies and damn it if one them doesn't buy a cigar. If you don't know by now, I really enjoy a good cigar, probably more than I should, but I do. So the smell of the cigar got to me, I got up and went to see the man about a cigar. I walk in and ask him for a particular one that he had and he said "sorry man all out". Damn. My buddy walks in and tells the guy "hey show him the good stuff man". So this guy pulls out a cigar in a glass vile sealed with wax and he goes on about this cigar being the best cigar he had. It apparently had been soaking in cognac for 20 years, at least that's what he said. He really had a good story for it. He told me the price and by this point I was a little more drunk and really craving a smoke so I bought it regardless the price. At least the price included a cool little light show with some matches and he lit the cigar for me.
The one thing that came to mind was an old simpsons episode where Barny walks into Moe's during a short prohibition on alcohol and Moe charges him an absurd amount of money for the beer. Barney says "this better be the best beer I've ever had" he takes a drink and then says "you got lucky". That is exactly how I felt. I began smoking the cigar and was like damn this is the best cigar ever!!! I don't know if it was the drunkenness. The fact that I was smoking indoors or all of the naked women parading about the place, but man I tell you that was the greatest cigar ever!!!!
After finding this cigar here in Pasadena I was actually afraid to smoke it. I had built it up so much in my mind that I was afraid that if I smoked it and it wasn't as good as that night then bam, I just shot down a good memory. Damn, I was in a predicament.
Well I went out for a night of drinking and I was well on my way to getting smashed again. Good times. I thought this is great, I'll be drunk and I'll smoke the cigar it will be great! The legend will live on! Turns out I got a little to drunk and never got around to smoking the damn thing! I laughed about it the next day.
So today I finally smoked that legendary cigar and I'm happy to say it still is the greatest cigar ever. That, my friends is a good memory.
This story is about the greatest cigar I ever had. The reason I'm thinking about this again is because my buddy Marco and I found this cigar again at a cigar shop in Pasadena. Any ways, here goes.
I was in Vegas last year for my buddies bachelor party. Good times. We were well on our way to getting smashed and we went to one of our many stops that night, a strip club. Ah yes the good old strip clubs, very good times. We were drinking and having a good time, then I get up to use the facilities. Turns out there's some dude in there selling crap, like gum, cologne, cigars. I ask him how much the cigars where and he tells me. I was like damn that's a rip off, I can live without a cigar for the night. So I go back outside and sit with my buddies and damn it if one them doesn't buy a cigar. If you don't know by now, I really enjoy a good cigar, probably more than I should, but I do. So the smell of the cigar got to me, I got up and went to see the man about a cigar. I walk in and ask him for a particular one that he had and he said "sorry man all out". Damn. My buddy walks in and tells the guy "hey show him the good stuff man". So this guy pulls out a cigar in a glass vile sealed with wax and he goes on about this cigar being the best cigar he had. It apparently had been soaking in cognac for 20 years, at least that's what he said. He really had a good story for it. He told me the price and by this point I was a little more drunk and really craving a smoke so I bought it regardless the price. At least the price included a cool little light show with some matches and he lit the cigar for me.
The one thing that came to mind was an old simpsons episode where Barny walks into Moe's during a short prohibition on alcohol and Moe charges him an absurd amount of money for the beer. Barney says "this better be the best beer I've ever had" he takes a drink and then says "you got lucky". That is exactly how I felt. I began smoking the cigar and was like damn this is the best cigar ever!!! I don't know if it was the drunkenness. The fact that I was smoking indoors or all of the naked women parading about the place, but man I tell you that was the greatest cigar ever!!!!
After finding this cigar here in Pasadena I was actually afraid to smoke it. I had built it up so much in my mind that I was afraid that if I smoked it and it wasn't as good as that night then bam, I just shot down a good memory. Damn, I was in a predicament.
Well I went out for a night of drinking and I was well on my way to getting smashed again. Good times. I thought this is great, I'll be drunk and I'll smoke the cigar it will be great! The legend will live on! Turns out I got a little to drunk and never got around to smoking the damn thing! I laughed about it the next day.
So today I finally smoked that legendary cigar and I'm happy to say it still is the greatest cigar ever. That, my friends is a good memory.
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